Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
