I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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