I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
