Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
