He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This house was built for laser tag.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
