I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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