so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
