Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
