Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
