You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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