Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
