I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize