If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
