ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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