We're facebook friends in real life
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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