omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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