I'm going to jail i love you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
