Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
