please come you make the beer taste better
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
