Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
