am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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