There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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