people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
