I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
