girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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