His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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