She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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