I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
