Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
