sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
