Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
