Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
