He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
