let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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