He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
