I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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