I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
