guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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