Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
