Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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