1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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