woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
