I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize