how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
