Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were trust falling into bushes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
