I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
