I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
