I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
