Acid is not a monday night drug
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
