We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
