My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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