Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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