it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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