Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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