there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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