Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
