So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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