i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
