I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
