Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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