community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do herpes really smell.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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